Passion, Commitment, and Perseverance

One day back in 2007 during rehearsals for my autobiographical solo show, "AND BABY MAKES TWO - an adoption tale" my director said to me, "You are very demanding." I was a little shocked because first of all, I perceived the word "demanding" to be pejorative and secondly, I didn't see myself as demanding per se, at least not in a negative sense. So, I responded, "By demanding, do you mean passionate, committed, and determined to persevere?" "No", he said. "You are just demanding."

I went on to say, "Well, then the question begs...How does anyone get anything done if one is not demanding of oneself, of others, of life in general? I mean, things don't just happen through magical thinking. Yes, an idea may start with fantasy thinking but it takes an incredible amount of committed effort to get from that magical thinking to action to concrete, tangible success. I suppose I call that passion...something I consider positive and essential to living a rich life." He basically shrugged and that was the end of it. (In later conversations, he has called me "a force of nature" and "the best theatre producer he's ever worked with"...so there you have it...and by the way, I like and respect him very much).

Which brings me to today, where I am still trying to sort out another comment that threw me for a loop last week...this time from my theatrical agent who is trying desperately at age 68 to change the trajectory of her small agency. "I've been listening to everyone's stories for over 23 years about how they are doing this or that, how something is just about to happen, etc. etc...well, blah, blah, blah...NOTHING has ever happened...EVER!" I listened and acutely felt her jaded frustration but couldn't really believe that no one at any time in her last 23 years of experience had not had some form of their dream realized. Maybe it was how she was defining success...in a strictly monetary sense I think...that kept her from seeing it all from a different perspective.

Anyway, immediately following that conversation I began to slide into a bit of a depression, a crisis of confidence, a sense of failure and irrelevance that left me feeling empty, frozen and joyless. In other words, I was not happy. I seriously considered calling my old therapist to have a tune up of sorts. Instead, gratefully, I shared some of these feelings with my website designer, Barbara Gottlieb, who has become a friend in addition to being an extraordinary professional colleague. She reminded me and insisted in no uncertain terms that I not let anybody say "NO" to my dreams...that I  needed to re-double my belief in myself and my talents (God bless her for believing that I am very talented and really on to something with this whole Sugar & Stilettos adventure!)...and that I needed to continue to carry on passionately as I saw fit. Straightforward, pragmatic, simple advice with a large dose of compassion was just what I needed. I began to climb out of my funk and move toward the light once again.

Patience + Perseverance = Payoff...something I recently read on someone else's blog also began to resonate within my soul. I started to ruminate on the true meaning of success in this celebrity/money obsessed culture of ours. I started to remember the myriad of things I've pursued over the years that didn't end up exactly the way I had wanted originally but ended up offering other gifts that were just as valuable if not more so...like when I produced and starred in the Los Angeles premiere of Lee Blessing's thought provoking play, DOWN THE ROAD at the Tiffany Theatre in West Hollywood/Fall 1993.

I worked my ass off on this production, we got really good reviews (some outstanding, only one not so much) and lots of wonderful, positive press...NONE of which translated into sold out houses or more acting jobs for me during or after the run of the play. I was flummoxed. I was disappointed and discouraged, often in despair. I simply could not wrap my brain around the reality of the situation. I mean, what else could I possibly do as an actress to prove that I was capable and worthy of attention and  other roles? What did these people in power want...blood?

Well, ultimately DOWN THE ROAD would provide me with other riches, ones I couldn't see at the time...an absolutely lovely relationship with Lee Blessing that thrives to this day (he and his wife, Melanie, are supportive loving friends to both me and Joshua) plus an introduction to Genevieve Ulmann in Paris (who represented Lee in Europe) and has been my amazing friend for the last 15 years (she and her late husband, Pierre, were two of the first people to INSIST that I write, write, write!). Genevieve then introduced me to Beatrice Agenin and her husband, Francois Boucherau, who translated Lee's play, INDEPENDENCE, into French with Beatrice directing, producing and starring in it (I was in Paris for opening night sitting with Genevieve just behind Jean-Paul Belmondo...OH LA LA!) and now after years of amazing creative, deep, soulful friendship it is Beatrice who is going to play me in the French version of AND BABY MAKES TWO which she and Francois translated beautifully. These gifts, these blessed friendships have certainly lasted longer and given me more joy than any single acting job could have ever done...

So, I am getting back on track. I am believing again that I am in the right place, doing exactly what I need to be doing. I am believing again that my passion, commitment and perseverance will carry me to where I need to go. I am believing again that my instincts are my brilliant guide to a rich life full of invaluable, magical surprises, twists and turns.

I wish you the same fierceness that I am reclaiming for myself and the courage to tell all the naysayers to get the hell out of your demanding, passionate way!

xoxo Nanci

P.S. I think I'm going to go bake something new and exciting...culled from the hundreds of pink post-its I have stuck all over my ridiculously growing collection of baking books!