Muffy Doodle-Doo Girl aka my niece, Casey

There are some people in this life that just ROCK your world...some of them you are related to, most of them you are not...such are the mysteries of life.

For me, it is my niece, Casey, that ROCKS my world and has ever since she arrived on this planet almost 22 years ago. She is by far the most extraordinary young woman I  have ever known; intelligent, talented, creative, hysterically funny with an unbridled joie de vivre, loving, kind, patient, ambitious, trustworthy and responsible to name just a few things. Oh, did I mention, that she is also beautiful to look at?! I know that I am not the most unbiased of observers but trust me when I tell you that there are many others that see in Casey exactly what I see.

My sweet niece started spending the night at my house when she was just 3 months old. I used to keep a porta crib in my guest room that I pulled along side my bed whenever she was over. Nothing made me happier than to wake up to her her smiling, joyful face in the morning...quite simply, it was a drug, pure auntie nirvana. Casey's smile still makes me feel that way.

I started calling her Muffy from the moment I laid eyes on her though I can't tell you exactly why. Muffy became Muffy Doodle which then became Muffy Doodle-Doo Girl. My brother, David, her father, couldn't stand that I called her those names but I told him in no uncertain terms that that was between me and Casey...that as soon as she told me to stop calling her that I would, so he should just be quiet. To my brother's credit, he stopped complaining about it (at least to me)...and to this day Muffy Doodle-Doo Girl (or some variation of it) is still what I call her...so there you have it!

Casey and I have evolved from little girl beanie babies, sour apple strips, ballet lessons, jog-a-thons, The Little Mermaid, tea parties, cartoons and brownies for breakfast to grown up conversations about race relations, gender identity, behavior in the work place, passion for your life and work, the importance of the creative/artistic process, the meaning of family and friends in one's life among other topics...all the while laughing (often uncontrollably) at life's various dichotomies. In a word, as Casey has grown and matured so has our relationship. As with my son, Joshua, she has taught me (and continues to teach me) far more than I'm sure I have taught her.

We are currently working on several projects together while she is doing an internship at an LA based production company for the next several months before finishing up her senior year at Emerson College in Boston. In addition to baking which we both LOVE, LOVE, LOVE (one of Casey's favorite recipes is the GRAHAM CRACKER PECAN CHEWY BARS), we are writing a children's book, working on the SUGAR & STILETTOS website (she has been absolutely invaluable in bringing me and the site into the 21st century as our Director of Media Marketing - check out our FACEBOOK and TWITTER pages) plus she is helping me transform my garage into a hip, preteen boy hangout space for Joshua. Since spending time with Casey is such a delight and high priority I am trying to think of as many projects as possible that I can get her involved in!

Casey Jumping Over the Ocean

Anyway, for all of you reading this I think I've bragged enough for the time being. And for Casey, MERCI MILLE FOIS MA BELLE for being all that you are...I am the luckiest aunt EVER!

Passion, Commitment, and Perseverance

One day back in 2007 during rehearsals for my autobiographical solo show, "AND BABY MAKES TWO - an adoption tale" my director said to me, "You are very demanding." I was a little shocked because first of all, I perceived the word "demanding" to be pejorative and secondly, I didn't see myself as demanding per se, at least not in a negative sense. So, I responded, "By demanding, do you mean passionate, committed, and determined to persevere?" "No", he said. "You are just demanding."

I went on to say, "Well, then the question begs...How does anyone get anything done if one is not demanding of oneself, of others, of life in general? I mean, things don't just happen through magical thinking. Yes, an idea may start with fantasy thinking but it takes an incredible amount of committed effort to get from that magical thinking to action to concrete, tangible success. I suppose I call that passion...something I consider positive and essential to living a rich life." He basically shrugged and that was the end of it. (In later conversations, he has called me "a force of nature" and "the best theatre producer he's ever worked with"...so there you have it...and by the way, I like and respect him very much).

Which brings me to today, where I am still trying to sort out another comment that threw me for a loop last week...this time from my theatrical agent who is trying desperately at age 68 to change the trajectory of her small agency. "I've been listening to everyone's stories for over 23 years about how they are doing this or that, how something is just about to happen, etc. etc...well, blah, blah, blah...NOTHING has ever happened...EVER!" I listened and acutely felt her jaded frustration but couldn't really believe that no one at any time in her last 23 years of experience had not had some form of their dream realized. Maybe it was how she was defining success...in a strictly monetary sense I think...that kept her from seeing it all from a different perspective.

Anyway, immediately following that conversation I began to slide into a bit of a depression, a crisis of confidence, a sense of failure and irrelevance that left me feeling empty, frozen and joyless. In other words, I was not happy. I seriously considered calling my old therapist to have a tune up of sorts. Instead, gratefully, I shared some of these feelings with my website designer, Barbara Gottlieb, who has become a friend in addition to being an extraordinary professional colleague. She reminded me and insisted in no uncertain terms that I not let anybody say "NO" to my dreams...that I  needed to re-double my belief in myself and my talents (God bless her for believing that I am very talented and really on to something with this whole Sugar & Stilettos adventure!)...and that I needed to continue to carry on passionately as I saw fit. Straightforward, pragmatic, simple advice with a large dose of compassion was just what I needed. I began to climb out of my funk and move toward the light once again.

Patience + Perseverance = Payoff...something I recently read on someone else's blog also began to resonate within my soul. I started to ruminate on the true meaning of success in this celebrity/money obsessed culture of ours. I started to remember the myriad of things I've pursued over the years that didn't end up exactly the way I had wanted originally but ended up offering other gifts that were just as valuable if not more so...like when I produced and starred in the Los Angeles premiere of Lee Blessing's thought provoking play, DOWN THE ROAD at the Tiffany Theatre in West Hollywood/Fall 1993.

I worked my ass off on this production, we got really good reviews (some outstanding, only one not so much) and lots of wonderful, positive press...NONE of which translated into sold out houses or more acting jobs for me during or after the run of the play. I was flummoxed. I was disappointed and discouraged, often in despair. I simply could not wrap my brain around the reality of the situation. I mean, what else could I possibly do as an actress to prove that I was capable and worthy of attention and  other roles? What did these people in power want...blood?

Well, ultimately DOWN THE ROAD would provide me with other riches, ones I couldn't see at the time...an absolutely lovely relationship with Lee Blessing that thrives to this day (he and his wife, Melanie, are supportive loving friends to both me and Joshua) plus an introduction to Genevieve Ulmann in Paris (who represented Lee in Europe) and has been my amazing friend for the last 15 years (she and her late husband, Pierre, were two of the first people to INSIST that I write, write, write!). Genevieve then introduced me to Beatrice Agenin and her husband, Francois Boucherau, who translated Lee's play, INDEPENDENCE, into French with Beatrice directing, producing and starring in it (I was in Paris for opening night sitting with Genevieve just behind Jean-Paul Belmondo...OH LA LA!) and now after years of amazing creative, deep, soulful friendship it is Beatrice who is going to play me in the French version of AND BABY MAKES TWO which she and Francois translated beautifully. These gifts, these blessed friendships have certainly lasted longer and given me more joy than any single acting job could have ever done...

So, I am getting back on track. I am believing again that I am in the right place, doing exactly what I need to be doing. I am believing again that my passion, commitment and perseverance will carry me to where I need to go. I am believing again that my instincts are my brilliant guide to a rich life full of invaluable, magical surprises, twists and turns.

I wish you the same fierceness that I am reclaiming for myself and the courage to tell all the naysayers to get the hell out of your demanding, passionate way!

xoxo Nanci

P.S. I think I'm going to go bake something new and exciting...culled from the hundreds of pink post-its I have stuck all over my ridiculously growing collection of baking books!

Louis & Laura, my heros

"It is the divine right of man to appear human."
- Plastic surgeon, Gaspare Tagliacozzi, Circa 1580, Bologna, Italy

As you probably already know many of our soldiers returning from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are coming back with injuries and disfigurements that not too long ago would have killed them in no uncertain terms. Thanks to the advancement of medical technology these brave young men and women are surviving. But they come home to face their families and friends with shattered bodies, faces and souls. How does one mend that kind of devastation?

Ronald Katz, a philanthropist, UCLA alum and Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center Board/Executive Committee Member said, "These are our soldiers, these are our countrymen, these are our neighbors. If they're injured, whether you approve of the war or don't, it's our responsibility to take care of them." And then, he put his money and enormous persuasive talents to work in 2007 to create OPERATION MEND - HEALING THE WOUNDS OF WAR at UCLA with Dr. David T. Feinberg/CEO, UCLA Hospital System and Associate Vice Chancellor and Dr. Timothy A. Miller, Chief, Division of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and Vietnam War veteran.

Together these three men have created a program in partnership with Brooke Army Medical Center (BAMC) that gives our damaged and disfigured soldiers access to the best treatment and reconstructive surgery available, all free of charge. The uncompensated costs associated with each patient's care are estimated at approximately $500,000.00. The expenses include patient evaluation, plastic and reconstructive surgeries, transportation, housing at Tiverton House, care coordination and other patient services.

Each soldier and his family are assigned a local "Buddy/Host" family to help them navigate their time in Los Angeles as well as provide a solid support system. My father had made a financial donation and commitment to Operation Mend and my mother had signed us up to be a Buddy/Host family. My mother enlisted me as "The Baker". I gladly agreed. That is how I came to know Louis Dahlman and his wife, Laura.

By the time I met Louis he had already endured a nineteen hour surgery to try to reconstruct his jaw that had basically been blown off. I think he was 21 at the time of the incident. Louis was coming to UCLA to begin his journey with Operation Mend...his first surgery there was sixteen hours, on his next trip the second surgery was nineteen hours...numerous grafts from his legs were necessary both times making recovery a tricky and complicated process. I was, and still am, completely in awe of the incredible and unwavering courage, commitment and dignity of this young man and his family. The sacrifices they have made to keep the rest of us safe is positively mind boggling. My eyes and heart got opened up to a world I otherwise had no real connection to. Louis and Laura, as well as others like them, have become my heros.

My brother, David, had been concerned that my baking would make Louis feel bad because he would be very limited in his eating or unable to eat at all after the surgery but my mother and I insisted that it would be a nice gesture to have homemade baked goods available. If Louis couldn't eat them then surely Laura and the rest of their family could...maybe it would soothe their worried souls even a little bit. Listen, when you're Jewish, food is almost always the answer to any situation!

I decided to make my Grandma Rose and Aunt Irene's famous pumpkin bread plus I added a bunch of chocolate chips. It's a moist, soft, flavorful cake that has become just about everyone's favorite. Well, one of the first things Louis ate when he was finally able to eat something was that pumpkin bread and boy did he LOVE it...so did Laura by the way. I think I can safely say that they have both become pumpkin bread addicts!

It is my unbelievable privilege and honor to know Louis and Laura as fellow human beings in this journey we call life. It is my additional joy to be able to continue plying them with my grandmother and aunt's pumpkin bread not to mention anything chocolate because Louis LOVES chocolate!

I hope you are having a great and glorious day...

xo Nanci

P.S. Louis and Laura are expecting their first baby in January 2011...how cool is that?!

UCLA Coach John Wooden and his Crispy Bacon at VIPS

"Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming."

"Learn as if you were to live forever, live as if you were to die tomorrow."

"Be quick, but don't hurry."

- John R. Wooden, Head Basketball Coach, Emeritus, UCLA

My son, Joshua, and I had the extraordianry privilege and honor to be at legendary UCLA Coach John Wooden's memorial service at Pauley Pavilion on Saturday, June 26th. Coach had died on June 4th at the age of ninety-nine surrounded by family and other loved ones including some of his now famous basketball players. The service was incredibly moving and funny; filled with the love and admiration he so genuinely earned in his lifetime.

I was raised on John Wooden UCLA basketball in its heydey of 10 NCAA titles. My father had known Coach for sixty-one years since his days as an MBA student at UCLA, then through teaching in the graduate business program for seventeen years often tutoring athletes and throughout his professional career as a BusinessManager/CPA in the entertainment industry.

My father was (still is!) absolutely crazy for athletics, but especially UCLA basketball. There were blue and gold tumbler glasses with Coach Wooden's picture on them with a list of each championship team behind the bar in my parent's living room. He had (still has!) season tickets and has travelled the country to be there for NCAA title games, often with Michael Warren, a Wooden player from the championship teams '66-'67 and '67-'68 who also became a friend and client when he switched careers becoming a successful actor. Michael and my dad often regaled Coach with their hysterical escapades as the Felix and Oscar of the UCLA Alumni set.

I was extremely fortunate to be the beneficiary of my dad's relationship with Coach Wooden who I met and shared meals with on several occasions. As a little girl I couldn't have possibly known that I was witnessing athletic and basketball history. All I knew, of the perhaps more than one hundred games that I attended with my dad at Pauley Pavilion, was that we always won and won by a ridiculous amount of points!

We often got to sit in the UCLA Student Rooter section because even though my dad had his own season tickets he was able to get these special tickets from players like Sidney Wickes and Curtis Rowe. Imagine being five, six or seven years old walking past the players bench...Lew Alcindor (later to become Kareem Abdul-Jabar) being taller than you while sitting down... and then sitting in this special section shouting at the top of your lungs...U-C-L-A...UCLA, UCLA, FIGHT, FIGHT FIGHT! Such heady stuff...so exciting. Oh, how I promised my dad in those moments that I would go to UCLA and be a pom pom girl...he couldn't have been prouder imaging that scenario. Alas, I went to UC Berkeley and never got near a pom pom.

In recent years my dad has taken Joshua to many games indoctrinating him into the great tradition of the UCLA "brotherhood", meeting Coach Wooden and often sitting with him at the games. Coach was kind enough to autograph a t-shirt for Joshua and his children's book, "INCH and MILES - The Journey to Success" based on his adult version "THE PYRAMID OF SUCCESS". I have now put those things away for a future time when Joshua can really understand the greatness that he got to touch and experience by knowing Coach Wooden.

To me (and most of the world who followed his life) the most impressive aspects of John Wooden's life were his integrity, his devout faith, his abiding love for his family (his beloved wife, Nellie, their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren), his commitment to teaching - to "we" being more important than "me" and his wickedly funny sense of humor. He was a traditional man in a constantly changing world who stuck to his core beliefs and lived a life worth living; a life he could never have imagined while growing up in Indiana during the Depression.

One of the things that made Coach Wooden happy in his later years was going to VIPS Family Restaurant in Tarzana, California not far from his condo in Encino. For breakfast he always ordered the crispy bacon with chili and eggs. For dinner it was always meat and potatoes but I bet you could have guessed that.

Anyway, that crispy bacon was a staple and delighted Coach to no end...he never had breakfast without it...like he never let the monthly anniversary of Nell's death go by without writing her a love letter and tucking it beneath her pillow which was still beside his on their bed. He told one interviewer that he had had fears of death like everyone else but that after Nell died that was no longer the case because he knew that when he died he would be with her again in heaven. Theirs was the quintessential love story.

I know I don't have to give anyone a recipe on how to make bacon but if you're in the neighborhood and want to have the same crispy bacon that Coach Wooden loved so much just go to family owned VIPS where they serve breakfast all day long...they'll be glad to oblige you and serve you some. Their address is 18345 Ventura Blvd. Tarzana, California 91356/818-343-7361.

"One should always put family No. 1. I don't care what the situation."

"Young people need role models, not critics."

"Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there."

Suffice it to say, that at the end of the memorial service and twenty minute video of Coach Wooden's life in his own words there was not a dry eye in the house. My father and I were sobbing uncontrollably. I later called him to tell him that he was the John Wooden of our family and that if Joshua and I ended up having half as much character as him and Coach Wooden I would be very content indeed...thank you Dad, thank you Coach.