My sister died almost twenty-one years ago. Still, all these years later, whenever I see Swedish Fish in a candy store or buy some to eat myself I simply cannot help but think of her and laugh. I like to believe that it makes her happy, wherever she is, to see me continuing on her tradition of Swedish Fish enjoyment.
The older I get, the more I want to honor my sister's life and struggles. I want to be her voice. I want to stand along side her...remind her that she is not forgotten, that her life mattered, that she is still very much loved. In that spirit, I have gotten involved with NARSAD (National Alliance for Research on Schizophrenia and Depression), a world leading charity dedicated to mental health research.
The following is a tribute I wrote for *NARSAD's Gloria Neidorf Memorial Lecture on Bipolar Disorder that took place at UCLA on May 1, 2010.
My sister, Gloria Ellen Neidorf, was born January 3, 1958, a big, beautiful baby with soft light brown hair and hazel brown eyes, the second of what would eventually be four children in our family. She was smart, charming and funny; a very happy go lucky child with a mischievous laugh that made everyone laugh uncontrollably along with her. She displayed an early talent as an artist and became an avid equestrian competing in the English style throughout her adolescence. There was nothing in her early childhood that signaled the torment that would become her life.
The doctors believed that the onset of her bipolar disease (a chemical brain imbalance that is a heredity illness much like diabetes) began in adolescence, probably around the age of twelve to thirteen. At that time, Gloria started to display disturbing rebellious behaviors - lying, drugs, excessive partying, numerous car accidents and early sexual activity. There were school and friend changes, unsuccessful attempts at therapy, much screaming and crying...all to no avail. At no time did anyone think, "Oh, this child might be mentally ill." It was 1970. Gloria's behavior was in keeping with what many of her friends and other kids of her generation were doing plus she had a big mouthed, but goody two shoes of an older sister, to contend with. It just looked like she was a normal teenager trying to figure herself out and forge her own path.
Despite her drug use, her school truancies and her increasingly erratic behavior, Gloria managed to graduate high school with good enough grades to get into UC Santa Cruz where she spent two years (always at the top of her class). She then transferred to UC Berkeley getting into the prestigious Haas Business School graduating with honors on time two years later. This was an absolute miracle and testament to my sister's fortitude as her disease was now raging out of control. She continued to carry on after college; getting a job and her own apartment but it all came to a crashing halt when a failed suicide attempt at age twenty-three finally brought to light a correct diagnosis.
Unfortunately for Gloria, her pain was about to get even worse. It was determined that she was a "rapid cycler", an even more devastating subset of the disease. No amount of talk therapy was helpful and no matter what medications the doctors prescribed (and there were so many one could no longer count them), nothing was able to stabilize her. Her life descended into a nightmare of epic proportion with events too horrible to describe here. She became unrecognizable to herself and to those that loved her most. And as frustrating and maddening as it could be to deal with her then, it is now obvious to me how courageous and tenacious she was as she fought to regain her life as she had previously known it.
Gloria lost her battle with bipolar disease on October 23, 1989, committing suicide when she was thirty-one years old. I have often marveled at how she lasted as long as she did considering the daily torment she had to endure. My sister has become one of my heros for her bravery in the light of the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the impossible. It is my hope and that of my family that Gloria's valiant struggle with mental illness will inspire and educate others...that the bright light she was born with will live on.
*The afternoon at UCLA also included other lectures in an effort to illuminate the many mysteries of mental illness. 100% of all donations to NARSAD go directly to research, an amazing accomplishment for a non-profit.
On a lighter note, the next time you see Swedish Fish candy, think of my sister, Gloria. I know it will bring a smile to her face...
 |
| Gloria's High School Graduation Picture |
The doctors believed that the onset of her bipolar disease (a chemical brain imbalance that is a heredity illness much like diabetes) began in adolescence, probably around the age of twelve to thirteen. At that time, Gloria started to display disturbing rebellious behaviors - lying, drugs, excessive partying, numerous car accidents and early sexual activity. There were school and friend changes, unsuccessful attempts at therapy, much screaming and crying...all to no avail. At no time did anyone think, "Oh, this child might be mentally ill." It was 1970. Gloria's behavior was in keeping with what many of her friends and other kids of her generation were doing plus she had a big mouthed, but goody two shoes of an older sister, to contend with. It just looked like she was a normal teenager trying to figure herself out and forge her own path.
Despite her drug use, her school truancies and her increasingly erratic behavior, Gloria managed to graduate high school with good enough grades to get into UC Santa Cruz where she spent two years (always at the top of her class). She then transferred to UC Berkeley getting into the prestigious Haas Business School graduating with honors on time two years later. This was an absolute miracle and testament to my sister's fortitude as her disease was now raging out of control. She continued to carry on after college; getting a job and her own apartment but it all came to a crashing halt when a failed suicide attempt at age twenty-three finally brought to light a correct diagnosis.
Unfortunately for Gloria, her pain was about to get even worse. It was determined that she was a "rapid cycler", an even more devastating subset of the disease. No amount of talk therapy was helpful and no matter what medications the doctors prescribed (and there were so many one could no longer count them), nothing was able to stabilize her. Her life descended into a nightmare of epic proportion with events too horrible to describe here. She became unrecognizable to herself and to those that loved her most. And as frustrating and maddening as it could be to deal with her then, it is now obvious to me how courageous and tenacious she was as she fought to regain her life as she had previously known it.
Gloria lost her battle with bipolar disease on October 23, 1989, committing suicide when she was thirty-one years old. I have often marveled at how she lasted as long as she did considering the daily torment she had to endure. My sister has become one of my heros for her bravery in the light of the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the impossible. It is my hope and that of my family that Gloria's valiant struggle with mental illness will inspire and educate others...that the bright light she was born with will live on.
*The afternoon at UCLA also included other lectures in an effort to illuminate the many mysteries of mental illness. 100% of all donations to NARSAD go directly to research, an amazing accomplishment for a non-profit.
 |
| Which color is your favorite? |
No comments:
Post a Comment