When I started perimenopause way back when in my early forties I thought the hot flashes and sleepless nights were going to literally do me in. I think I didn't sleep through the night for a good year or two...waking up every two or three hours became my norm. I was often drenched from the night sweats not to mention having gone through the entire day having hot flashes every fifteen minutes or so...and I mean flashes where I was dripping in sweat, red in the face and wanting to run down the street naked screaming bloody murder at the top of my lungs...as horrendous an image as one could possibly conjure up. This was all in addition to the lovely mood swings, never knowing when my next period was coming and alarming memory lapses. My poor son (five years old at the time this began) must have been the only kindergartner who even knew what a hot flash was...he'd look at me practically tearing my hair out, sweat cascading down my face and proclaim..."Oh, Mommy, you're having another one, aren't you?"
As you might remember I adopted Joshua from birth as a single mom so while I have enjoyed my fair share of lovely sexual relationships/encounters I never actually used my uterus for its intended purpose...the bearing of children. So, one day at my annual exam and in the middle of this delightful stage of my life, I innocently asked my OB-GYN what I thought were a couple of completely reasonable questions. One, how long will this perimenopausal phase of my life go on for? And, two, since I never even used my uterus and have endured 35 years of crippling cramps, lower back pain, the ruin of many a pair of underwear and other clothing items plus numerous sheets (sometimes leading to horribly embarrassing moments)...shouldn't I at least get a "bye" on this other end of it? Wouldn't that be fair? Wouldn't that be just and righteous? To which my adorable OB-GYN said, "Perimenopause can go on for years. There is no way to tell exactly. Also, I'm afraid that NO, there is no"bye" like in a tennis tournament. You're going to have to go through it like everyone else." I immediately responded in a very mature way saying, "I don't like you anymore and I'm not going to pay you for today because that was so not nice of you to tell me that even if it's the truth."
It's quite crazy to watch your body, not to mention your psyche, morph before your very eyes while you have seemingly no control over any of the changes...they simply appear and you must either accept/come to terms with them or find some way to modify them (i.e. cosmetic surgery and other expensive, risky procedures). I tell you that when I look in the mirror these days I absolutely do not recognize myself. My inner self is still 25...well, alright 35...but my outer self is...well...older to put it mildly. Oh, yes, people still say how wonderful I look for my age (that is if they can actually drag the truth out of me!)...however I say that that particular response is the kiss of death...you know you've crossed some kind of invisible line when you hear it. I mean, really, who wants to look good for one's age for god's sake...I just want to look GOOD! Oh, Boo Hoo for me, because those days are clearly gone!
So, I've done what most of us in this predicament have done. I try to watch what I eat a little more to fend off gaining more than the common "menopausal ten" pounds that magically appears around one's waist and invades one's breasts. Yes, along with everything else, your waist expands and your breasts get bigger...why...no one really knows...they just do. Maya Angelou has said that she is fascinated waiting to see which of her breasts will end up at her knees first. I think that's a very enlightened and fun way to look at it. Unfortunately, I am not Maya Angelou...I am not that evolved.
I also try to keep to a regular exercise routine (believe me, it doesn't always happen, though I have the best of intentions) to at least release some much needed endorphins to help with the mood swings as well as to allow me to continue to eat some of my beloved sweet treats. Honestly, if I couldn't have my sugar fix I'd truly be beside myself with grief and profound sorrow.
So, as always, for me it comes back to sugar...and then, of course, that leads to baking...my salvation, my saving grace, the secret to my soul. I know that sounds a little overboard but that's the way I am if you didn't know that already.
Here is a recipe that I recently can not stop making...it's simple and easy and totally melt in your mouth delicious...BUTTERY SHORTBREAD by Sarabeth Levine from her terrific new book, Sarabeth's Bakery - From My Hands to Yours. These shortbread cookies are great as Sarabeth has them written in her book but there are many variations that you can do as well...one version with ground nuts works beautifully (Sarabeth personally recommended it to me) and one with cocoa nibs that I came up with on my own (Sarabeth approved!) also works quite well.
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| Aren't they pretty?! |
Wishing you a glorious evening filled with sugary delights!
xo Nanci
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