Lunching with my Mom

It has been an absolute whirlwind of beehive activity around here and thus the only reason I can offer up for having not written a blog for the last two weeks. I keep waiting for it all to slow down but to no avail and even with Hanukkah come and gone there still seems to be an endless list of things to do and parties to go to...oh, woe is me, she says tongue firmly in cheek.

Since I have had more than one holiday/mommy meltdown in the last week or so and since my old soul and quite wise 11 year old son told me to just "take a day off Mommy...you're the boss of Sugar & Stilettos so you can do that...nobody can tell you no." I decided to do just that.  Out of the mouths of babes...

I made plans to babysit my 6 month old niece, Stella, for a few hours yesterday...my mother over hearing these plans at our belated Hanukkah party on Saturday decided to join me...it was going to be a casual fun-filled girls' fest...walking, talking, eating, laughing, playing...

Well, my mother arrived at my house at 1130am as planned. By 12N there was still no Stella. A quick call to Pauline's cell phone revealed that she had forgotten completely. Hard to imagine how getting a few hours of freedom could slip a harried mother's mind but it did and so my mother and I were left with no baby to care for and nothing to do. So, we did what any self-respecting women would do in a similar situation...we went out to lunch and each ordered a big glass of wine to start.

My relationship with my mom has not always been easy. We have often been at odds with one another finding it impossible to understand or have compassion for the other one. Miraculously, in the last many years, we have found  common ground allowing us to settle into a very loving, accepting and joyful mother/daughter bond for which I am extremely grateful.

My mother and I in the beginning

My mother has had to overcome impossible obstacles in her life, not the least of which was my sister's death 21 years ago, her own two nervous breakdowns, numerous health issues of late and on and on. She has done so with a courage and spirit that is admirable as well as inspiring. She just simply refuses to give up or give in to life's tragedies, challenges or injustices no matter what they are.

I am a firm believer that every human being does the best they can at any given moment in time even when their best is downright shitty (excuse my French!)...my mother agrees with me. We have both always tried our best...our best often not being quite the stellar behavior we would have wished for. Yet, now as we looked across the table at each other our best is much closer to what we would like it to be. That's not to say that we don't continue to occasionally make mistakes emotionally and verbally, but that in general, we are able to rise to our better selves when we are together...treating each other with love, dignity, respect, kindness and compassion. We are able to share our feelings and truly listen better than ever before...and laugh...oh, how we laugh. These are gifts I appreciate beyond measure.

Being at peace with my mother (and father) and our relationship is the best present (other than the magical gift of my son) I have ever received. If I could offer up one little piece of counsel for you, my sweet readers, it would be to bury all your hatchets, work through all your baggage and get on with the thrill of being at one with yourself and those around you...especially your parents and siblings if you're still lucky enough to have them around. Even if they are not able to meet you even half way it doesn't matter. The inner work will free you up to be your best self and that is worth all the tea in China as they say. I promise that you will be happier and live a fuller, richer, in the present moment life.

Time is precious...people you love are more so...thank you Mom for being the woman you are...you have helped make me the woman I am...one I am pretty content to be!

Happy Holidays everyone!

xoxo Nanci

ATF Gingerbread

P.S. Try this incredible ATF Gingerbread recipe and share it with someone you love...