We planned for weeks buying all sorts of camping gear (super cool foot locker, sleeping bag, camo backpack among a thousand other things deemed necessary by the camp powers that be). The excitement mounted with the arrival of each new item which immediately had to be broken in. There are few things more adorable than seeing your child "breaking in" his sleeping bag and pillow in the comfort of his own bed.
As we got closer to the departure date we meticulously checked off everything on "the list". Then we began the folding and piling phase making sure we were ready for the official packing phase. Gratefully, my fabulous niece, Casey, came over the day before Joshua left and the two of them brilliantly packed every last thing to perfection.
Then came the BIG moment of actually going to camp. Joshua and I left the house early and ended up having lots of extra time so we stopped for a coffee (me) and a pastry treat (him) before heading to the departure site.
Children and parents were everywhere you looked...children smiling from ear to ear with anticipation..parents smiling but nervous and apprehensive. What possessed any of us to think we could ship our beloved children off for three weeks without any contact with us? That's right...no phone calls, no visits...just one way emails (us to them), letters or care packages (no food) were allowed.
After getting checked in and meeting the counselors the children started high fiving (the boys) and giggling (the girls). Parents stood around talking to each other, laughing from time to time. Finally, the moment had arrived for the kids to get on the buses. Joshua joined his cabin group (10 boys) and 2 counselors singing an improvised song as we all headed downstairs.
My son, quite oblivious at this point to my existence, began to board the bus. "Uh, excuse me, my man, how about a hug and kiss for mommy before you leave?" "Oh, yeah." With that nudging, Joshua hugged and kissed me, then disappeared into the bus. Like all the other parents I dutifully waited for the bus to pull away...waving frantically and screaming good-byes. At this point I could no longer see him though I knew he was inside. I walked to my car and drove away feeling fairly confident that Joshua was in for the experience of a lifetime.
Since I consider myself a rather independent minded mom who loves my work and my life with the village of friends I've built up over my years in Los Angeles, Berkeley, New York City and Paris, France I was quite taken by surprise (maybe even shock) at the emptiness I felt without Joshua at home. The first few days I was paralyzed by the quiet...the total silence (except for the cat meowing occasionally) was just eery, unsettling even. I honestly didn't know what to do with myself and I am very self-sufficient. I very much like my alone time. But this was different. I missed his voice, his energy, his presence more than I could have ever imagined.
To be sure, after those first few days of wandering around my house in a stupor I got my legs back. I began to make plans with friends, get some important work done on my Sugar & Stilettos website and play plus do things that I don't normally have the time or inclination to do when I am busy taking care of my son full time...so it's been a pleasant time but not the free for all I thought it was going to be...at least not emotionally.
I've sent letters and care packages. I've checked the camp website every day for pictures and newsletter updates in giddy anticipation of just seeing Joshua's smiling face, pretending to hear his voice, trying desperately to get a sense of his well being. I've also waited anxiously for a letter back. I've gotten one...short and sweet. "Hey mom haveing (yes that's the way he spelled having) a fun time Love, Josh" (no punctuation whatsoever). I howled with laughter because the letter was so typical of my son...my son who doesn't like to write...who verbally could spin a tale that goes on for hours but if he has to write it down well, you are going to get...yes, exactly what I got. Everyone says that means he's having a really good time and I choose to believe that as well.
For any of you that are parents you know that the way your heart strings are pulled by your child surprises and yes, shocks, you time and time again. Being a parent is a magical and mysterious journey fraught with twists and turns at every corner. It goes to the very core of your being. Specifically, being Joshua's mom, has made me a better human being without a doubt. He forces me to be my best self even when I'm too tired and don't want to be anything other than lazy...who knew that a little person could do all that without even trying?
As you can well imagine by now I'm really looking forward to having Joshua home again on Sunday. I can't wait to shower him with hugs, kisses, and homemade baked goods. I am thrilled at the thought of just enjoying his wonderful, funny, enchanting self. Of all the blessings I have been the lucky recipient of in this life, being Joshua's mother is by far the BEST of them all.
I love you to the moon and stars and back again my little man...xoxo Mommy
Dried Cherry (except with Chocolate Chips) Crumb Buns
Adapted from THE MAGNOLIA BAKERY COOKBOOK
Ingredients:
Buns:
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs, at room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup buttermilk
1 1/2 cups bittersweet (60%) chocolate chips
Topping:
1 1/4 all-purpose flour
3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened and cut into small pieces
PREHEAT oven to 325F degrees.
Grease and flour (or spray with baking spray) 12 large muffin cups.
TO MAKE THE BUNS: In a medium bowl, sift together the flour, the baking powder, the salt and the cinnamon. Set aside. In a large bowl, on the low speed of an electric mixer, cream the butter and the sugar until fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat inn the vanilla extract. Add the dry ingredients alternatively with the buttermilk, in three parts, beating well after each addition. Stir the chocolate chips into the batter. Spoon the batter into the muffin cups.
TO PREPARE THE TOPPING: In a medium sized bowl, mix the flour and the brown sugar. Using a pastry blender, cut in the butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. (Personally, I like to do this part with my hands...it's just so much more fun!) Sprinkle the topping over the buns, being sure to keep the crumbs within the muffin cups; otherwise they are difficult to remove.
BAKE for 20-25 minutes until lightly golden or until a cake tester inserted into the center comes out clean. Leave the buns to cool in the pan on a wire rack for about 10-15 minutes and then gently coax them out to finish cooling on the rack. Joshua likes them warm or reheated if they've been frozen but they are also good at room temperature...your choice!
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